a notion of sorts

   Call a rant or whatever, I dont care.
   Far too often in my life I am surprised by people when I shouldn't be. I am rarely wrong about people and their character... maybe thats good, maybe not so much. Im not sure why I continue to insist people are not as they seem when I am proven time and time again that people are exactly as they seem. Maybe its my terribly naive optimism, maybe its me not wanting to see the cold truth.
   Or perhaps its just me. Perhaps my perception of everyone is some insanely skewed, clouded version of them. Am I too generous?? Too generous with my feelings?? Too generous with my effort? Im finding myself totally lost within myself and who I should be. Most people totally suck so do I continue to give to people who have little to no concern for me? I go out of my way everyday for someone...friend, a family member, a stranger.... that is not to say I do anything for anyone in order to get something in return. Thats not the case. I know I have things to offer people, whether its family or friends or strangers and I like doing things for people. I am just starting to wonder about karma... does what go around really come around??? And if i does then why do I keep finding myself covered in dirt?? do I just accept the fact that maybe Im the anomaly? Do I lower my expectations?
   I dont feel like I should have to. Maybe everyone else should stop sucking. Maybe I will lower my expectations of other people and leave my expectations for myself high. That way when I am surprised by people surpassing my expectations for them it will be a pleasant surprise. Yeah, I like that idea... assume you are shitty and then when you turn out not to be it will be a nice surprise.
   I hate that I have taken on such a pessimistic approach. Its just not my style to rock a dark cloud instead of the sunshine but I am forced to rely on my experience and the fact the history usually repeats itself.  I know I will shake it... probably when the actual sun comes out lol...I could use a good run in the sun, its always my best therapy.
   Anyway...rant complete. I feel better.
   Superbowl sunday ya'll!! Enjoy it. Im trying to. Studying most of the day... two quizzes tomorrow and my first big test tuesday. Im thinkin I'll study until 4 and go to Rusty's for a little while to get out of the house and see my bitches, I miss them dearly and could use some friend time.
Love